“I tell college students, when you get to be my age you will be successful if the people who you hope to have love you, do love you.” – Warren Buffett

I have spent the last 12 years devoting myself to the study of the wealthy.

In all that time, I learned that they are right about one thing: Money does not solve all your problems.

I thought when I finally had some money things would change. Everything would go my way.

Forget Murphy’s Law. Whatever can go wrong, will not go wrong! The money will cushion my fall. It will shield me from water, wind, and fire. I’m unstoppable. Right? Wrong.

My life actually hasn’t changed all that much. I still live in the same house, drive the same car, have the same family and friends.

So, what the heck? Where are all the trumpets and parades? I guess they’re down by the Macy’s Day Parade floats where they belong.

I know money is emotional. However, money is just a tool. It is not good or bad.  It is what you do with it. Only you can decide. As Captain Planet would say, “the power is yours.” So, be rationale.

BORROWING TO GET AHEAD

“Neither a borrower, nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend.” – William Shakespeare, Hamlet

I understand why people borrow. It is because at the present moment they do not have the means to finance what they want or need at that particular time. That is why people borrow extensively for college.

On the opposite side of that spectrum, is to lend money.

“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.”

However, in my observations on the task of lending, it often comes with unforeseen consequences.

You lend money to a friend or family member thinking you are just helping them out. Right?

Of course, they will pay you back. Unfortunately, I have seen more situations where people do not pay back their obligations; thus, ruining relationships with creditors, family, and friends.

When you lend money to a family member or friend, you do so out of trust. If that trust gets violated, it hardly ever gets repaired. The damage is done and many times is irreversible.

You can end up losing a friend and making an enemy such as a business associate or contractor you decide not to pay. That is not a good thing to have happen because you are likely to make an enemy with a long memory.

The way Nyssa al Ghul (played by Katrina Law) said it when talking to Oliver (played by Stephen Amell) on the show Arrow put it so succinctly. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

That is because people are wired to be self-serving. I do not think it is done maliciously. I believe this is for survival. Memories are self-serving. The purpose is to help you live and avoid danger. If you remember that the stove is hot, then you are less likely to get burned. Something like that.

“People tend to remember the loans they give, and forget the loans that they get.” – George Loewenstein of Carnegie Mellon University

However, Benjamin Franklin states, “Creditors have better memories than debtors.” You are supposed to pay your debts because it is the right thing to do. I’m like a Lannister, I always pay my debts.

Even if it meant for me to go without. That taught me self-sacrifice and discipline.

“Rather go to bed without dinner than to rise in debt.” – Benjamin Franklin

I feel the way Shelley Long of Cheers fame said in in the film The Boyfriend School (Don’t Tell Her It’s Me) describes this phenomenon best. Her character’s name is Lizzie and she says to her brother Gus, played by Steve Guttenberg, “People always do the right thing. When it serves their purposes.” Exactly.

DO NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” – Jim Carrey

Personal Branding expert, TEDx Talk and Keynote Speaker Leonard Kim described the meaning of Jim Carrey’s words. He stated, “that everyone chases money, wealth, success and fame, thinking it will bring them happiness.  Once they attain it, the person sits there and thinks “That’s it?  That’s what all the hype was about?  I don’t feel happy.  I don’t feel fulfilled.  I don’t feel anything.”

This was how I felt in a nutshell.

It was such an empty feeling. It felt so hollow. The only thing I had was the relationships I had built up with people. So, I learned to focus more on relationships than money.

I have no desire to buy a Ferrari, move to an expensive zip code, buy tons of couture clothing, or start collecting valuables that may try to take the place of some void.

See my post Name Brand Labels or Fat Stakes? You decide

Material possessions have not ever made me happy. Maybe, that is why I hold on to stuff for so long and repair instead of replace. I rarely shop. I don’t need anything.

The neighbor’s do not have to worry about keeping up with or competing with me or vice versa.

I am content to simply read and write. I try to focus on building relationships and not tearing them down.  I do not want to hold grudges. Good luck to any person I have come across that we could not see eye-to-eye. I let you go with a full heart. I wish you no ill-will. I am happy being who I am.

I am more concerned with doing the common good.

See my post on A Christmas Carol: Lessons in Finance, Business, and Life

I took a page out of another blogger’s book and focused on my goals. I would do the following:

• Help three people
• Read two books on finance/personal development a month
• Research organizations to donate to

Anything is better than someone asking me this.

IT IS OKAY TO SAY NO

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” – Warren Buffett

I like to observe people. Nothing gives you a better predictor of future behavior than past behavior. You do not have to try and people please. It is okay to say no when someone asks you for something.

Matter of fact, it is likely that saying no may save your friendship. Unlike what Robocop said, some things are not able to be fixed such as a lost friendship. No one wants that.

You are better off giving people the money they ask for than expecting it back. If it is more than you can afford to lose, then don’t lend it. Or just lend what you can afford to lose. It is just that simple.

Who cares if people get mad? It’s your money! They shouldn’t be coming to you simply because they think you are a soft touch. I once heard Pamela Anderson say that in an interview.

Always do what is in your heart. It is the only way not to be bitter and make sure you do not live life full of regrets. Better to say no and keep the friendship and your sanity intact.

Thanks just my 2 cents.